You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
