All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize