i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
