What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
