Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
