I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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