my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
