We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
