Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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