he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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