so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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