Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
