You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
