Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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