True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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