I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize