I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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