just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
