so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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