i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
