508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
