i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize