porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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