I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
