Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What a dumb baby whore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When are your genitals available?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
