What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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