Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize