the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
