I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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