I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
