who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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