Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
