I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
