I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sponge bath it is.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
