Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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