why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
