If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
