no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
