Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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