Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
