Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
