I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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