why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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