I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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