Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
