Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
