I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
