the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I did not marry a roomba.
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