I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
