I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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