i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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