also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize