What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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