So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
