One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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