So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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