i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
