When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize