I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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