It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize