he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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