and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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