I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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