I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
