I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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