Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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