end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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