talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
