You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
