dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
