My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize