Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
