Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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