You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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