So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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