You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
