if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
