I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize