I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just invented taco cereal.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
