i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
