I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
