If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
